Ahh! the snowplows are busy and we have about 5 feet of fresh paw paw. I went to work and watched the flakes fall steadily all day out the window overlooking the Clark Fork River. Stark but amazing.
My day was like a lunar eclipse, Now that I think about it my whole life has been a strange, bright light sort of way. On my profile, I state myself as a mother, writer, waitress and child of God. I do that out of respect for how God lifted me out of a disintegrating life of addiction and guilt. Religion, beliefs, values, they are all very personal and I’m not selling anything, but miracles have happened in my life and I can’t deny that so I give credit where credit is due. Call it what you want, but let the higher power that created unique you, take the wheel for awhile in your life. You will be amazed.
There is a flip side when you put your trust in God. He asks you to love your enemies and forgive the people that have done you harm and give testimony when he puts people in your path that need Him to lift the weight off their backs. Yeah, there’s no going it alone. You can try but it is long, scary way around and its really @#%^ hard.
Be humble and be strong in your faith because when miracles occur in your life, (and they will). It’s like Satan pricks up his ears and sees the waves you are making in the fight between the Light and Dark and attacks you.
Today I could have used a bottle of wine and a pack of smokes and a righteous old buzz. I had a nightmare, first in a long time, and then no one would get out of bed. My teenager usually wakes up at 6 to do her thing and she got out of bed at 7;15 to catch the bus. She was in a delightful (banshee) mood. I almost let her walk out the door in her Converse while screaming,”I’m not gonna miss the bus!” But then I calmly said, you might want to wear your boots. Three feet of snow fell last night. I got the other one out of bed, also sleepy but a little less time-pressured, put her on the bus and went to work.
I prayed for this young kid, there’s a bigger wider world of chemicals that will just suck all the meaning out of your life and I asked my friends to pray for him too because he was going through those changes in life where you become a slave to something that’s just going to take you to the boneyard and fast. So thankfully he’s working on lifting himself out of this with all the help he can get and I believe that whatever it is that is weighing your soul down can be cured with a miracle from God. If we believe.
So I get home, reheat some spaghetti and I try to figure out what do I do with my teen. My youngest and I paint and I talk with my kids ” Please don’t ever leave the house like that again.I have to go be happy and light-hearted all day and try to find crackers with no wheat while acting like I care.”
She lights up and says “Oh yeah, Dad texted me again.”
My youngest says “Whose dad?’
I say ‘ Your dad.” In the past seven years, he texted Jesse twice, in the past six weeks. I don’t know what they say, I’m not discouraging any contact, I just pretended he was dead (in my head of course.) In real life when they asked about him I just said he does love him in his own way and that he was sick. They stopped asking awhile ago.
This kind of man needs to wear a warning label. You know the type and if you don’t, count yourself blessed. Here’s the short list, Jail, house arrest, felony escape, extradition, pregnant, cheater., breaks into my house, pregnant again, leaves, moves, never calls, no child support. In my alcoholic and drug- addled mind, the absolute love of my life. I’m no angel either, this was a result of my choices too. Nothing short of a miracle would have ever gotten me out of that mess.
I thought about my day today and that this was my attack. Because I testified to this 20 year old , that there is a better life and that you can be happy without a drink in your hand, the devil has an ulterior motive ( like poison) and calls after 7 years. Talk about getting your number dialed.
Well I texted a short, nice message about ” Maybe you can call on their birthdays, or just keep doing what you’ve been doing, (nothing) God bless and I forgive you and I hope you forgive me.” I don’t think we will be hearing from him anytime soon or maybe he can send a card to them on their birthdays. One day at a time. Yeah, I’ll pray for him too.